Validation is the feeling of being recognised, appreciated or approved of. When it comes from within, it is internal validation; when we depend on others for it, it becomes external validation.
Everyone enjoys being praised for their achievements. The problem begins when we need constant validation for everything we do and feel rejected, anxious or depressed when we do not receive it.
We need to learn to validate ourselves first.
When we receive criticism or negative feedback, we may start chasing someone’s approval, questioning our abilities and doubting our self-worth. Often, these patterns can be connected to our early experiences. Perhaps we did not receive enough encouragement, or we learnt that love and acceptance came through achievement. As adults, we may therefore seek from others what we did not receive earlier.
But our worth should never depend entirely on someone else’s approval.
Start by understanding your triggers. Ask yourself: When do I seek validation? Whose approval am I looking for? What happens when I do not receive it? Becoming aware of these patterns is the first step towards changing them.
Practise mindfulness and meditation to become more aware of your thoughts and emotions. Learn to set boundaries and start saying no, even to small things. Replace negative self-talk with positive, realistic affirmations such as, “I am good enough, even when nobody applauds me.”
Surround yourself with people who encourage you, recognise your values and bring out the best in you. Create distance from those who constantly criticise or invalidate you.
Most importantly, recognise both your strengths and weaknesses. Nobody is perfect; being human means having flaws. Appreciate what you have, work on what you can improve, and keep learning.
You do not need everyone’s approval to know your worth. Sometimes, the most important validation is the validation you learn to give yourself.